I am truly happy these days.

I know I've been rather paranoid all these while. I've long realised I am suffering from mild depression. But i choose to ignored it, not to say it. It got really terrible when things are getting from bad to worst. I can't control my thinking at all.

My thoughts, those wild imagination flashing stuffs that were never happen. Things that are untrue. Everything was just my own imgaination due to my low self-esteem. I thought nobody likes me, i have no friends, and the word "trust" had really made my life drained.

Till now, i still cant bring myself to trust anyone. One, twice, third, betray and make use are enough.

Stress. Yes, why do i have stress. I am just an idiot. Its impossible for me to have stress. There's stress even being an idiot. I swear, I only know these when my tension headache got serious. I am really stressed over schoolwork, over relationship, my fat problem and mainly, friendships. Back to square, its all because of trust and low self-esteems.

I am trying to cure depression by myself.
Yes, i did pretty much research on it, and prolly gets a little information and I am glad it helps a little, otherwise I will be seeing a physiologist and maybe on depression pills now. Happy thoughts and positive mindset is all I need.

But, right now, I am losing all the energy and motivation. I am getting depressed day by day. I need encouragement. Even its just a word. I cant fight this alone. And I am always asking, why am I the only one having depression? Why cant i be the same as others, get to be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world? Why cant i have the happiness easily? Why do i have to go through all these in order to be happy? Why?

I hate to be sick.
I dont want to be alone.